John Belushi(2025)
Mitch
“Don’t leave the hotel—need you”
Jenny
“You don’t need me here. You might outside of this place, but that's a different story ”
Mitch
“You can’t leave an orphan.”
Jenny
“Convenient time to use that card. Did you watch Mr.Rogers to learn to do that?”
Mitch
“ Who is Mr.Rogers?”
Jenny pauses for a moment.
Jenny
“A Marine Sniper in Vietnam.”
Ж
“I want to know.”
“It's just my sexual frustrations put into words”
Ж
“You think I care about a little expired beer? I’m an alcoholic, I drinking fucking vodka. They used that stuff as a weapon in world war 2—In Russia”
“Is that why you are an alcoholic?”
“No, I’m an alcoholic because my father was one. How do I know it was my father? I would fucking have feyatal alcoholic sydrume if it was my mother…Do I have FAS? Is that why I look so young? The orphanage probably tried to sell me as a fucking retared to the Americans to try to get rid of me. My abandonment issues are so bad, I still blame the orphanage.”
“You scare people sometimes—with your face.”
“Well we can’t do anything about that either.”
Ж
“I’m in my Chris Farly era—minus all the heroin—The hookers were there though and they seem to always have cocain”
“So you would say that, the” hookers” are probably keeping you alive at this point?"
“Liston, those hookers—are someone's lost daughter—Do they not know St.Nick? He was essentially a Pimp.“
“It must be in the bible—The most purchased book is also the least read book.”
“But why would you even want to read that thing? Its made for fucking morons who’s uncles rapped them so they didn’t really go to school, and instead just read the bible at home.”
“Are you talking about my wife? Gerald!” Got something to say after the divorce do we? Well I’m fucking here now.”
“She’s going to try to get you to eat her ass during sex. Have fun! Hope you liked to be pegged too. And she steals things, so don't bring her to your mother's house.”
“ Whatever, I'll share her around with the neighborhood and by then she's just going to do what I want by then.”
“ Well—she is a whore.”
Ж
My loneliness got the better of me the other day and I did two things. Re-opened a dating account and jerked off to some porn. And not specifically in that order. When I opened the account, it had the same info as when I had it last (Pandemic). In the bio it said; “ I don’t think I’ve had a single normal thing happen to me”. Funny how things don’t change.
I think Infinity Jest and the Bible are on the same level as being equal in the entertainment and insightfulness on what you should do with your life. Unless you are a heroin addict, then you probably enjoy both books. To be honest, I too would probably need to be addicted to heroin to open a Bible and think it was being useful to my own human conscience. I don’t see Jojo Siwa quoting verses from it yet, so I’m assuming it still has things more useless than Jojo Siwa.
Ж
Depression Dishes & Toilet Thoughts Joke:
Have you ever been so depressed that you fight with the sun behind the clouds?
How many people do you think decided to clean their house before commiting suicide? Furthermore, how many people decided not to kill themselves after cleaning their house? Is this why women were always found cleaning the house in the 50’s?Just fighting off the suicidal tendency’s?
Don’t worry I’m not going to kill my myself. Suicide isn’t included in my life insurense for another two years.
Things I wish they told me as a teenager. Do not use the vacuum for sexual gratification. And I really wish I knew my dog was allergic to peanut butter. Also do not use the apple pie. That was a lie. Use a soft pie like pumpkin, it will feel much better.You can also use jello. The reason I suggest jello is that you can, unlike the other options, make various molds with it.
You know what's fun to do? Masterbate with your least dominant hand and see how long it takes you. You know, if you fucking suck at jerking off
I learned to do a “ John Belushi" pretty early in my comedy career
